1.*No sleeping over

2.*No meeting in public

3.*No calls before 2am.

4.*None of that "lovemaking" shit

5.*No emotional discussions...(ex. where are we heading with this? You Know where it's heading!!)

6.*No plans made in advance...that is why you are called the 'backup'

7.*No non-sexual gifts (altoids not included)

8.*No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged)

9.*No asking for comparisons with former lovers (in fact, no conversations are a plus)

10.*No kissing (too intimate)

11.*No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends and we never will be)

12.*Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK (Phrases such as, "HONESTLY I WAS THINKING ABOUT TONI BRAXTON, are completely acceptable)

13.*No extra clothing (i don't want your ass leaving anything behind that my real man/woman might find!)

14.*No guilt about falling asleep right after sex

15.*Don't be offended if i don't ask if you enjoyed it (i don't care)...and don't ask me!! I'll get mine - you worry about yours

16.*I will not walk you to the door/car for any reason

17.*If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate's girl (man)

18.*Doggie style preferred (rare exceptions when i am tired and let you ride)

19.*Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better...it destroys the purpose

20.*We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes**